THE
PITFALLS OF DATING A MARRIED WOMAN
Dear Doc,
I am currently in a relationship with a married woman. I have
known her for eight years but we have just become romantically
involved in the last four and a half months. I have known
she was not happy with her marriage for years and wanted to
end it, but she has not due to a variety of reasons. I'm certain
that she does not love her husband, but she has not left him
yet. (I've met him before, and I cannot understand why she's
with him at all.)
The most common reason she gives for not leaving him is that
she fears how her children (she has three, ages two, ten and
twelve) will view her. She threw her husband out recently,
but the two oldest children were so upset that after a few
days that she let him come back for the kids' sake. She says
that her kids mean everything to her.
This woman says she loves me without question and she will
leave her husband when the time is right. My questions are:
1. Do you think she's telling me the truth about why she will
not leave him? 2. How do I tell if she is sincere in her desire
to leave him for me? 3.What are signs I should look for to
tell me she will really leave him? 4. Do women who leave their
husbands for another man usually stay with the other man?
I love this woman tremendously but I don't know what to look
for.
Help, please!
Jerome -
who is hoping and waiting
---------------------------------------
Hey Jerome,
What kind of drugs have you been smoking? Or, do you live
near a glue factory? Your thinking is about as clear as a
teenage boy's complexion.
First of all, realize that you've allowed yourself to fall
in love with a woman who has no integrity. A woman who cheats
on her husband is a woman whom no man can ever fully trust.
If this broad had ANY class, she'd either keep her marriage
vows, despite the problems, OR she'd wait until she got divorced
(or at least legally separated) before she hooked up with
another guy. If her kids were as important to her as she claims,
she'd be a positive role model instead of one of deceit and
manipulation.
The Bottom Line Factor says that If your 'girlfriend' REALLY
wanted to leave her husband, she would have done so a long
time ago. Think of it this way, Jerome, addictions aside,
she IS physically capable of leaving him. All she lacks is:
motivation. I'm certain that if she were offered ten million
dollars to leave her husband and never see him again, she'd
be gone faster than Robert Blake can spit out an alibi! Sadly,
as time ticks on, she'll continue to come up with various
creative excuses for why she can't leave her husband, and
nothing will ever change.
You have to remember something else, Jerome, whether you're
evaluating a potential lifetime partner or you're ordering
bacon and eggs at Denny's; what you see is what you get. This
woman is who she is. She plays both sides of the fence. She's
self-centered. She's incredibly needy. She's addicted to drama.
These are character traits that she possesses. Is she really
the kind of person you would want to commit to, even if she
were single?
I'm hoping that as you're reading what I'm saying, your Interest
Level in this gal is starting to crack and drop, at least
just a little bit. You need to do whatever it takes to lower
your Interest Level in her because this situation is a setup
for nothing but heartbreak and frustration for you.
Perhaps it will help you to understand that both you and
her husband are being 'played' by this dysfunctional Desdemona.
Imagine what she tells him about you to keep him under control,
how you and she are "just friends." She's got both
of you duped. She's getting everything she wants, a husband
and a "mister-ess" and you're getting mostly just
a whole lot of pain and confusion.
I know this isn't the answer you were looking for, Jerome,
but I have to call 'em as I see 'em. I recommend that you
start to emotionally disconnect from Mrs. Trouble and start
meeting and dating other women as soon as possible. Even if
the idea of meeting other women makes you only lovesick, do
it anyway. It will build character and prepare you for the
real thing when it comes along.
Remember, guys, if she'll do it to him, she'll do it to you.
- Doc Love
______________________________
This article Copyright © 2002-2003 DocLove
DotCom, Inc.
